


say you'll remember me

by thegreenfairy246



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Dean Winchester Needs a Hug, Episode: s15e18 Despair, Fix-It, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:07:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27735076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreenfairy246/pseuds/thegreenfairy246
Summary: dean's happiness always seems to get taken away from him
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 15





	say you'll remember me

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is a short little ficlet fueled by spite. here, dean's reciprocation is right where it's supposed to be. i hope y'all like it💕

They're running out of time. Billie's incessant pounding at the door is beginning to rattle Dean's skull; it's only a matter of time before she gets inside. No matter how desperately he tries to come up with a plan, all his ideas are dead ends. Just when he's about to start saying his goodbyes, Cas begins to speak.

"The one thing I want, it’s something I know I can’t have." There's a look in his eyes that Dean is sure has been mirrored in his own. A longing he never dreamed he'd find directed at him. "But I think I know now, happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in the being. It’s in just saying it." 

There's a sinking feeling in Dean's gut. Cas keeps talking.

"Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love, you fought for this whole world for love, that is who you are. You’re the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless loving human being I will ever know."

If they had more time, Dean would argue. He'd bring up the people he's let down, the ones he couldn't save; he'd let Cas in on the nightmares that haunt him. But Dean can almost feel the seconds ticking away so he keeps his mouth shut.

"I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean."

Finally, Dean manages to speak around the lump in his throat. "Why does this sound like a goodbye?"

"Because it is." There are tears in his eyes, but Cas just smiles before continuing. "I love you."

Dean is sure, if you listened closely, you could hear his heart crack. It's just his luck to get everything he's ever wanted right as it's about to disappear. "Don't do this, Cas." The words not like this linger on the tip of his tongue.

A smile of complete contentment forms on Cas's face. "Goodbye, Dean."

Then, Cas is pushing him to the side. He collides with the floor. He gathers himself just in time to see the black slime shoot out and wrap around Cas. Then, he's gone, and Dean is alone.

Too late, always too late, he finds his words. He whispers to an empty room, "Me too, Cas."

He feels ashamed to think about the times he's imagined this happening. All the times he'd almost told Cas the truth. In the shadow of what Cas just did for him, his old dreams just feel silly. When Sam had just jumped into the Cage, and he'd shown up beside him in the Impala, with nothing left to lose, he'd almost blurted it out then. After Cas had shown up from Purgatory, the words were on his tongue. The way he'd practiced what he'd say when he found Cas at the Gas-N-Sip. Every time, the words died in his throat. He'd always thought he'd have more time; another chance always waiting on the horizon. Now, though, that hope has been ripped away from him, and he can feel the loss acutely.

He's not sure how long he's been on the floor; an hour or twelve, he can't bring himself to care. The weight of what just happened is like a rock sitting on his chest. He can hear his phone ringing next to him and he knows he should answer it; Sam is probably worried. He doesn't care about that either.

In his bones, he knows he has to get Cas back. He'd spare no resource, he would do anything. He couldn't live the rest of his life with the knowledge that Cas never knew how he really felt.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! if you liked it, you can follow me on tumblr @scoobydean


End file.
